Sunday, May 25, 2008


Well, not really. Busy is more like it.

After 2 glorious weeks working in CT, I finally made it home. I won't bore you with the trials and tribulations of air travel in the US these days, but suffice to say that frustration mounts quickly. I was stranded in D.C. (Reagan) for several hours, which pretty much sucked. However, between text messages from my wife and calls from my Dad, I did have the rare opportunity to people watch for a bit.

We Americans are an amusing bunch, really. The mix looks funny as it babbles by my seat, and it takes on a life of it's own, a single being ebbing and flowing by me. Soldiers looking smart and neat, self absorbed corporate types who look like they stepped out of a Brooks Brothers catalog yammering into cell phones, hippie types meandering by in tie dyes. Folks in what appears to be pajamas, which is appropriate, because they look lost, like they just rolled out of bed, gripping a ticket like it is a sacred scroll, checking and rechecking their flight info as if it might change when they are not looking. Kids (shit, now I'm addressing teenagers as kids - old old old), clearly on some sort of group trip, camping out on the floor while they giggle, eat and play games to while the time away. Urgency and boredom all mixed into a basic roux, then dashes of confusion and anger added for flavor, backed with a gelling, flowing mass of a body. Interesting.

Anyway, you KNEW you wouldn't get away without a rant. Here we go...

So I'm sitting there, minding my own beeswax, listening to my phone (as in MP3s - I love that my phone plays MP3s). I was a bit rushed getting to the airport, so I'm still wearing my titanium toed safety boots (which also completely rock - check them out). So some guy comes buzzing by and trips on my foot. He looks at me all butthurt and says something profane about ME watching where I was going. I couldn't help but laugh. I was stationary, you douche. No need to get all pissed at me, you clumsy, pink pop-collar wearing clown (who the hell pops their collar anymore?) I'm sure it hurt and all, as he was wearing flip-flops. And so begins my rant...

Flip-flops. What the fuck, people? When, exactly, did these beachwear staples become appropriate footwear for everyday use? As I sat in the airport, I was appalled at how many people, particularly men, were wearing these things. STOP IT. PLEASE.

I'm sure you find them comfy, but dammit they are not proper footwear. First, men's feet in general are not pretty things. I have no desire to see your gross, cracked heels or your busted assed toenails. I don't wear a Speedo because I know a fat, hairy white guy wearing one is unattractive, and I am considerate to my fellow humans.

Second, they do not protect your feet from anything. An airport, for example, has scads of things to stub your toe on, and a bevy of people who can easily stomp your toe inadvertently. Wear them if you want, I guess, but don't get all pissed if you get hurt. Plus, they are not sturdy, and will break on you at the least convenient moment, leaving you shoeless (or, more shoeless, or something).

Finally, they make you look ridiculous. Seriously. I saw a guy wearing a decent summer suit and fucking flip-flops. What is that? Business casual? No, business asinine. The only ones who don't look retarded are the guys sporting surf shorts and a tee shirt, calling everyone "brah".

Anyway, a final note - I dislike sandals on men, and HATE flip-flops, but the one that really gets me is SANDALS OR FLIP-FLOPS WITH SOCKS. You. Fucking. Dolt. If it's cold enough for socks with your sandals, then it's shoe-time. Nothing.... NOTHING! Looks more retarded.

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